Backlog

Several days ago, when I started this blog, I had posted a nice long letter about myself and my family and our new journey. We are in the process of adoption. I had explained all about how our system works and what we were going through and then....the blogger shut down and I LOST everything. So, here I am, starting fresh again. I will go into a few details about the process itself but mostly, my postes will be about my family, our journey with the adoption, the adjustments we may have to make, our feelings on it and just everyday Mom stuff!
My family and I live in Eastern Ontario, Kingston to be exact. I grew up a Military brat and moved around quite a bit. Sure, I experiences a lot in my life and saw many new places and met many new people. Heck, I was lucky enough to start my life off in Europe! We moved to Canada when I was a baby and lived in a couple different provinces. Our last posting happened when I was 13. We moved here. Now, I do LIKE living in Kingston, it's an amazing Historical city full of culture, museums, etc. It's a very OLD city, in more ways than one. We are in a constant state of construction for one, two? Well, we have two ways to get to town (I currrently reside in Kingston east, kind of just outside the main part of town) We go over the causeway through downtown, which is usually under construction or in a state of repair, or, we go on the 401, the major highway the runs parallel to the city, which, right now, is under construction as well. They are expanding the highway to three lanes instead of two both ways. Grrr, Don't even get me started on that headache.
Anyway, My father decided to retire from the military when I was 18. He got out, we bought a house not far from where I live now with MY family and we have been here ever since. I moved around so much as a child that I NEVER wanted to change cities and start over again!
My husband patrick and I have been together for 17 years now. We've lived in several places but always here in Kingston. We have four amazing sons ranging in age from 16 (as of next month) to 6.
For as long as i can remember, I wanted to have a little girl of my own. Hey, we tried! Four times, but it was not in the cards for us to have a daughter by birth. We love our kids but always felt that we would have really done well with a little girl.
We're not rich but we do well. My husband works at a tire plant and has been there for over 20 years. I run a full time daycare out of my house. I've been doing this for over 10 years. A long time for daycare. I know some people do it as a career, well, as much as I love kids, I'm not going career. It is tiring, exhausting actually. Emotionally draining. It tries your patience and pushes your limits. It has been a very rewarding job though. I has allowed me to be home for my kids. I don't have to dress up for work and occasionally "my boss" will let me have pyjama days! lol.
We have a nice house in a good neighborhood and we worked very hard for everything we have. My business runs out of my fully finished basement so yes, sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in a dungeon.
I need change, we all do.
A while back, Pat and I joked about one day being able to afford to adopt a baby from China. We have friends taht did it twice and they are all so happy. We know firsthand how much it cost them but what wonderful rewards they received in those girls. It was a little pipe dream for us. I mean, with four of our own kids, trying to find that kind of money was going to be next to impossible!
Here in Canada, there a a few ways that a qualifying family or couple can adopt. One, Private international adoption, which is what our friends did. Adoption through an agency and working with them to find kids overseas. It's not cheap, in fact it can run you upwards of 20-25 thousand or more, depending on the location, the time, the agency and the fees.
Second, you can adopt privately within Canada through an agency as well. You still pay quite a bit but most times you get paired up with a willing birth mother and go through the process together. The gestation, birth etc. If you're one of the lucky ones to connect with a borth mother and get your beautiful baby that is. Pat and i wanted a girl and although we did consider this option, we didn't want to take the chance the we would not get our daughter. Not that another son would not be great! Don't get me wrong, we just really want a little girl.
Option three is adoption through government funded agencies, like our Local Children's Aid Society. They are Non-profit, so, generally, there are little or no costs to the adoptive families. Now, they are VERY particular on who they let adopt! Whew! So far we are just in the waiting period between refrence checks and homestudy and it has been a trek to get here let me tell you! We both had to get criminal background checks, medical tests and checks, we had to provide a list of family and business refrences, be able to prove our income as to be able to provide for her. When Pat and I had Our first son back in 95' I was only 21. No one asked me what my background was, or wha tthe family medical history way or if I could give this child a good future and stable environment to live in, let alone a home! No one cared if all my medical info was up to date or if I knew how to look after a child or not. Pat and I not only have to prove our worth but also take a course on parenting a child! YEs, parents of four great kids, educated and experienced, have to take a course on how to care for a child in order to adopt one. This program is called P.R.I.D.E. and it focuses on dealing with the emotional issues that could come up with raising an adopted child.
We have chosen to work with Children's Aid to adopt. Yes, to be honest, cost was a factor, but also, we were not really looking to have a newborn baby. At 37 I am past that point where my internal clock ticks for a bun in the oven. I am not really yearning to the 2 a.m. feedings. We would really love to have a little one but closer to between the ages of 1 and 4. There are so many little ones that are either removed from the home due to domestic problems or drug related or just incimpetance. It's unfortunate and non of us want to think about it but it happens, much more than we want to admit. Those children need homes jsut as much at the beautiful new babies that are so covetted. Our youngest son told us that he was happy to have a sister as long as she was a little sister and not a big sister. In other words, he wants to be the BIG brother. lol. so that put us at about 4 as our top number.
We have completed all our paperwork, seen our doctor, had our criminal checks done, accumulated our refrences, submitted all our information for approval and now, we wait. we wait until all our Refrences return their information and then, hopefully, our homestudy will begin. Another bump in our adoption highway. Well, the homestudy is a series of home visits and interviews with us, our sons and our family. The social worker will come to our home, talk with us and the kids to try to get to know us. They will check out the house, the sleeping arrangements, where we will put her, how she will be accepted. etc. I am not too worried about the homestudy, I know we are a good family and have plenty of room for her and plenty of love as well.
The one thing that worries me is our latest decision. we have decided to leave Kingston. Not necessarily go far, in fact, it will only be about 10 minutes outside city limits. It will be closer to pat's work and we really would love to have a nice , big, country property. Acreage is what we're looking for. Now, there was a bump in that sideroad too. We were informed that we can't move while the process in going on due to the fact that the town we wish to move to is just outside of the Kingston Juristiction. If we want to move now, we have to stop the process, move, then start again with the next juristiction over. We've come so far now that I really don't want to start over, it would be heartbreaking! so, we put our move on hold...for now. It's not out, just postponed till the homestudy process is complete. We'll see what they say about that later.
So now, we sait. Wait and hope that all will go well and time will pass quickly.
Bye for now blogland!