Hello all,
It's been quite some time since my last post. Lots has happened just not what I was hoping to happen. First off, we have been officially approved and our homestudy is complete. Just waiting for the sign-off. We are Officially "waiting" as they call it. That's the good news.
As for my "issues" that were troubling me earlier, Turns out I have to go back under the knife at some point to get a mass of scar tissue delt with. When I say a mass, I mean Large lump making my abdomen look lilke a 5 month pregnant belly! It's frustrating and upsetting and really giveing me self concious issues. On top of that I am feeling very large and fat and depressed, Not a great feeling around the holidays. I'm even more frustrated because the surgeon that did my tuck two years ago is now on maternity leave and will not be back for months. This THING get's bigger every day it seems and I am so worried about it being left too long. I have to wait for her to get back and then wait my turn in the back log and then get a consultation to see if she is willing to fix it and THEN hopefullly get it removed and fixed.
Gawd! i just can't win. Sorry to say that this post id going to be a big whine right now and i feel, for the moment, I am entitled. There are very few people I can telk to about this stuff and one of the main ones is so busy with very Happy plans right now that I can't bother her with this crap. I have not felt this bad about myself in years! YEARS! The last time ws about 4.5 years ago when I finally decided to get off my ass and try to make my life better. I worked my tail off! Literally. Right now, despite having the tummy tuck, I have never felt worse, not even when i weighed 230 pounds!
I had worked so hard at losing the weight and i DESERVED that tuck! i deserved to feel good about myself and my body, and i did, for a short time. My friggen foot screwed it all up in the beginning. Plantar faciitis. Frig that is nasty stuff! I could barely walk let alone work out and if there is one thing I have learned, its that I NEED to work out, CONSTANTLY to maintain any sort of personal dignity and self worth. As soon as I take even the slightest break, I put on five pounds almost instantly. On a person as short as I am, 5 foot 2, five pounds is alot! Add another 20 to that and that's where I'm at right now, I had lost the weight, got into great clothes, felt good about my appearance and myself in general. I felt sexy, i had confidence...now, back to feeling like shit. I can't do a situp to save my life because of this stupid lump in front, It causes pain. Some would say, work through the pain. Not possible in this case. I can't turn or twist at the waist without it pulling. Its hard on my back, my bladder my kidneys. Then, to top it off, I found out through an ultrasound that I have ovarian cysts. So THAT is what's causing so may problems with my cycle too! So yup, I'm here, wallowing and promising to get back on track! Yes I will, as soon as the new year hits I will do the stereotypical resolution to lose weight, except in my case it is a necessity, not a bogus wish. I have no choice, If I want to get the belly fixed, I have to lose the weight. that's it, that's the deal. So. I will get through the holidsys as best I can, deal with what needs to be done and DO it! There, wallowing over and whining coming to an end. and hopefully, just maybe, we will get a phone call soon about a special addition to our family that will make everything complete.
Oh, starting to look at houses again. Not much on the market in our price range yet but our fingers are crossed that THAT will fall into place too. I hope.
