House on the market.

Here we go! the house is officially listed as of ten a.m. tomorrow morning! EEEKKK! i'm scared to death. I hope we're doing the right thing. Still no suitable houses on the amrket for us yet but we're willing to wait it out a bit and see. Our house is listed at a good price but is still a high price so I know it won't be an instant sale. sigh, in fact, it might take all summer! Scary to think that we don't know where we are going. I had to call the CAS to tell them our plans and we are now in limbo until we know which district we are looking into for a move. Come on people, list your fab country hoses for me! lol

Decisions, Decisions

Well, after the week from hell last week and a rough start this week, my decision to move has been made for me with one of my parents telling me that she is looking for other daycare. I can admit it, it's a huge blow to the ego! Especially after trying for the last 9 months not to lose it with them. These kids are crazy destructive and disfespectful. The hard part was that I liked the mom, she's genuinely a nice person adn loves her kids. I know it can't be easy with her hubby away right now and it breaks my heart that she has to go through this stuff but with all that said, I was mad last night! The issues we've had in the last year have been nothing short of delinquincy! Dammage, destruction, sidrespect, voilence, hurting animals and other kids, stealing and lying. ARRRRRGGG i was at the end of my rope but continued to take them and work with them becuse I knew SHE was in a tough spot. So when I go the letter last night and talked with her and how she's at her witts end and how they act the same at home, I didn't know what to say at first. My first instinct was to be mad, and I was. After that an talking to my friends and family I realized that this was what I needed to  get me to the point where I was ready to say "done". White flag, giving in. I'm ready to move. 11 years of daycare has taken it's toll and I am ready to give it up and move and start over with our  little girl....when we are blessed with her. By moving, it means we have to do a file transfer to another township for CAS. I don't know what is involved but I know it has to be done. Funny though, they are in the middle of an amalgamation so I don't know why we'd have to transfer if they are all going to be working together but whatever. We found a house. It's in Stone mills and it's nice. Not huge but the property is to diw for and its close enough for Pat to get to work in half the time it took from here. It's quiet and peaceful adn I might just finish my book! I don't kow what I'll do with haveing no full time job but I think I'll like it! haha. At this point, I feel bad for the ones I hae to leave behind but I also know they will be undertanding of our need to move. I love this house and I will miss it like crazy. Its big and bright and open and, well, big. The one we're going to look at and hopefully bid on is a lot smaller but workable and with no need for daycare space, we will ctually be able to use the recroom and basement. It'll be ok, We'll be ok and move on. I see it, the top of the hill, I see it up there and I knw we'll reach it and it'll be the best downhill run ever!

still waiting

Well, we have received confirmation that our refrences have gotten their paperwork in the mail so this is progress. Now, all they have to do is fill them out and send them back and we have to wait another month or two to hear anything else lol. I am hoping that everyone is honest but kind. I know that the papers will be asking numerous question regarding our character, emotions, responsibility, personalities and overall worthiness of adoption. I myself am very emotional and moody sometimes. I get stressed, I get mad, I get frustrated, just like everyone else but am hoping that it is looked at in a positive light, you know, like I'm passionate or something. Same goes for Pat. I hope that everyone paints a decent picture. i don't want people to lie at all but I want them to obviously help and not hinder haha.

We all have our positive and negative attributes but I hope that CAS sees that the positives much outweight the negatives. We don't drink excessively. I mean I have a glass of wine once in a blue moon and Pat has beers on occasion. That's it. neither of us smoke or use any kind of "substance" at all! We don't party, although i'd like to every now and then. We have good kids. They've never been in trouble and get good grades. they all have good friends. We make good money and are well enough off to have plenty of comforts in life. We are by no means SWIMMING in it but we do well. We have great friends, lots of family support and a positive future.

Our relationship as a married couple has it's up's and downs like everyone else but we've been together for 17 years now and still going strong. That's not saying that i don't tick him off or vice versa lol. It happens often but we love each other and I truely believe that this will only makeus closer and stronger as a family.

I have absolutely no idea why I'm so nervous about all this but knowing that people are judging us and answering questions about us as persons is a bit unnerving. I'm worried a bit about Past things. Like Pat's first marriage messing things up. I hope it will not be an issue. It did not end well and there were some underlying problems that came out of it. My fingers, and toes, and everything else that can cross are CROSSED that all this will go over easy and smoothly.

I don't want to be negative but all I can think about is that ANYONE can be a parent, on purpose, accidental, through one nighters or overindulgence of alocholor drugs, or by no fault of their own, meaning by force, but, people who have good lives, good families, and want to expand those families or are unable to create their own have to go through a mile of red tape and a bucket load of stress and anxiety to qualify to adopt an unwanted or neglected child.

Just me venting. No harm meant. I'm just frustrated.

yup, figures

Well, I contacted CAS to find out what was taking so long for our refrences to be contacted, via mail or whatever, the postal strike has not started yet sooo. Anyway, found out that we got LOST somwhere in the postion shuffle. They had to LOOK for our file and then proceeded to tell me that they have no idea what happened to it. they also told me that because of this, we missed the training window and now have to wait till fall to do the training. That's the pride and safe programs they want us to do before we get a placement. THEN she told me that it could now take a long time because we will have to wait till next spring to be finished the homestudy and after that, we will wait for a child to become AVAILBLE with our criteria and what they think would be a good match for us. MAN. i knew this woudl not be a smooth road but it is very disappointing that right from the beginning we have hicups. I wanted to cry but I have to reign it in and realize that its only the beginning, we have a LONG road ahead of us and when the worker finally contacts us for the homestudy we will discuss the moving thing. ug. I love my family and I love the kids that I look after but I am so dine with this job. It takes all I have and more to get through each and every day. My house is a disaster at all times and kids are destructive and disrespectufl and I just can't take any more. i am tired.