Interview #2 tomorrow morning.

Well, so far, all I can think about is the idea of a new baby. I sort of wish she hadn't mentioned it yet so that I could focus on the other things rather than the touch, the scent, the feel, the love for a brand new littl tiny baby girl.
I think even the boys are really hoping we can make it possible. At first, I was a bit worried. Al I too old to start over with a newborn? Could I handle the sleepless nights, the bottles, the diapers, the accessories, did I mention the lack of sleep? Then, after talking to NUMEROUS people about it, i began to remember how wonderful it was when the boys were tiny. Watching theit every move, theri every  milestone. They way they learned and grew and those first smiles, that amazing first laugh! The first steps! everything. My heart melted. I fell into it completely. Now it's all I can think about, All I dream about! I want it.
The other tiny part of me feels terrible for wishing for this new baby so much because I know it means that another family will have to go through something terrible in order to have their precious child taken from them and given to us. It's heartbreaking but still, i want it. I want it so bad.
I don't know what these next few interviews are about, or what we will be discussing but I will document all of it so that in the future, I will have a complete record of all that we went through to receive this blessing in our family.
I started thinking of the weird things, like when she is 18 I will be in my late 50's! pat will be in his 60's! Kyle will probably have his own family and she'll be an aunt! Man, that means grandchildren! What are we doing? Is this right? God I hope so. How can I want something in my heart so much if it's not what's meant to be?
We've been reading on adoption discussi0on boards about people who have takenthe chance to do the foster to adopt program and have had the child given back to teh birth family after bonding with him/her. I couldn't bare it!!!!! I would never survive losing her once we have her so I hope that God has a plan to keep her with us and let us rais her as our own instead of snatching her away form a huge family that will lover her to the end of time.